somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
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i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
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No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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