took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
