My hand turned me down
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
