did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
