did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
