nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
