She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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