so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
