Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
