Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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