People in love make me want to vomit
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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