how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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