it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
