woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
