Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
