You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
