She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
