when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
