my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
