i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
