There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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