Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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