Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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