im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
