Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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