so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
