When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize