I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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