the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
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He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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