Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
