I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
