hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
