I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
