If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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