just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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