I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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