what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
