dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
