I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
