i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
