Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
