whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
