my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
