even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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