were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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