1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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