Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
