You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
