what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
