The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
