I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
