he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
