Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think my mom watched the whole time
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
