his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
