I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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