God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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