i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
