New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
