So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sorry about my life...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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