Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
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how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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