A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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