i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself