i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.