So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
