My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
