I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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