just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
